This post is dedicated in merit that Hershel ben Etya Sarah have
a yeshuah.
Elisheva Maline
Respect is to love as threads are to clothing; the latter
can't hold it together without the former.
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A Jewish wedding (Jozef Israëls, 1903) |
When G-d created the world, initially, it was with din (strict
justice). However, humanity didn't stand a chance against such guidelines of
behavior ("One wrong move and the girl gets zapped."), so Hashem
(G-d) tempered the justice with compassion. In other words, He set up the world
with borders and limitations. People,
too, are comprised of their own unique sets of positive and negative
attributes.
By trespassing the laws of The Torah i.e. G-d's boundaries, we not only disrespect the Creator, we cut ourselves off from Him. In the same vein, when we cross another person's personal boundaries, we strip them of the respect they are due, and sometimes, in the process, we end up distancing them from ourselves.
By trespassing the laws of The Torah i.e. G-d's boundaries, we not only disrespect the Creator, we cut ourselves off from Him. In the same vein, when we cross another person's personal boundaries, we strip them of the respect they are due, and sometimes, in the process, we end up distancing them from ourselves.
A major component of marriage, and indeed relationships, is
respecting the other: not for who he or she is but for who he or she is not. Manis Freedman, author of Why
Doesn't Anyone Blush Anymore, touches upon this issue in his book on marital
harmony. He describes, for instance, how one may have an issue he feels
uncomfortable discussing while, at the same time, his spouse may feel that it
is important for him to air out his feelings. Or, classic case scenario, an extroverted personality may want her spouse to "shine" so she may try foisting
social events, like dinner parties and young couples' get togethers, on him even
though he's made it clear that he prefers being a homebody; s/he may not
recognize that she could be hurting him.
In order to create closeness with another person, you must
recognize that even when you want to fix what you perceive as a limitation, you
need to back off and give the other one space. "Happily ever
after means sticking to the same side of the fence as your spouse (or whoever it may be...)."
Also, it helps to remember that it's not you running the show, it's
G-d. If your spouse comes home with a story about some failure or another at
work, or s/he makes a mess out of disciplining the kids - things that would usually get your goat - let them go. Instead of taking an
accusatory or disparaging tone, and essentially crossing to the other side of
the fence, let matters lie. "The sacred whole, that unique and wondrous
unity can, and will, sort out the issues." The concept of trusting
one's husband to make financial and child raising decisions etc. may be a
difficult one for many of us women to bear. However, a spouse, especially a
male one, accomplishes a lot more when the wife gives him the breathing space
to make good choices. Additionally, when a parent respects a child's
individuality (after offering whatever direction is available), s/he gives the
child room to soar.
Essentially, when you surrender control, and you take risks,
opportunities are limitless.
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